PostedSeptember 16, 2014 Life isnt a fairy tale where good defeats evil! But at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if that person, who was either really distracted or just plain rude, is worth the energy that you're putting into the experience. Equal means everyone gets the exact same number of presents on their birthday. Cultural and religious background, family upbringing, education and life experiences all combine to help you form a mental frame called, "the world according to me." Fairness means its not ok to spend more than 1 hour on the computer each day, but its ok to spend less than 1 hour on the computer. If I see someone hit a parked car and speed away, I seriously consider following them and issuing a citizens arrest. If I got a parking ticket on campus, it was "unfair" (even though I had parked in a zone where I wasn't supposed to park). They're also not people who sit idly by and accept whatever happens without taking a stand. Better looking people statistically earn more than ugly people. answer choices. If I Could Change Something About Our Schools . Then 30, then 50, then 150 and so on. Hang the list up on the wall as a reminder. 5. That's not to suggest that you should bury your head in the sand and ignore current events, or pretend that bad things don't happen. Instead, recognize when you are having an emotional reaction, take a breath and choose how you best want to respond. While we all learned about fairness in childhood, scientists have proven were actually hardwired for it. Dr. Hollman suggests sitting down and asking your child to tell you more about what they feel is unfair, and to really listen to all the points they are making. View the current issue. When you consider the big picture (no pun intended), a rational, unemotional mind would probably say no. So VERY FEW! People always complain and blame the situations or other people around them. When we witness unfairness, it triggers our amygdala, the primitive part of the brain that controls fear and anger. We can change how we respond to them (and choose to help educate and positively influence them). They have found that basic, primary reactions occur when your brain determines a situation is "just not fair" demonstrating that your reactions are instinctually, not logically driven. Make sure he/she knows that it is important to you, and that it will lead to stronger friendships. They never had to worry about money or material problems the same way you did and its ok. You cant control where someone is born or how they feel. All rights reserved. Lemons are a classic example. 29. Select someone who has something like you, maybe blue eyes, brown hair, or a white shirt. Even if nothing negative is happening in your own life, tragic, depressing stories are rampant in the media. This ones a hibrid between your own actions and sheer luck. Have the group analyze each of the role-plays. I bemoaned the injustices of the world because I felt so many befell me. You may not be able to choose the country youre born in, but you most certainly can choose the one you want to die in! And this doesnt even touch upon the massive injustices happening all over the world, far outside the scope of our everyday experience. People spend 10-15,000 dollars for a weekend seminar with Tony Robbins or Gary V. where they basically tell you to stop being lazy and find the thing that youre good at. Babies and younger kids usually require more time and attention than older kids. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? By stepping out of the victim mindset and viewing yourself as a survivor, you may find it easier to move forward and play an active role in creating a new outlook for yourself. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. At least thats what I thought back then. | Do you think hes right? Fair treatment means you treat your students in a fair manner when your attitude towards all of them is the same regardless of who they are. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50, A Psychological Diagnosis for People Who Lie About Everything. Perhaps post them in a place where your child will see them often. 3. Talent is just a gatekeeping way to refer to things that you enjoy doing, so much so that you develop those skills faster than everyone else. Did Essie do a good job of running a fair trial? No matter how you slice it, we experience a strong, instant physical and biological reaction to perceived injustices, and this can limit our ability to think rationally and respond proactively. Trust me, the child to whom you were unfair is going to grow up having a negative image of a part of you, maybe even a disdainful one, seeing as though they think they're more fair and so know better than you. We have this tendency to judge others by their actions and ourselves based on our intent. Why, or why not? What fairness is and what a fair person does. She adds, "It takes practice; lots of practice. Equal means everyone gets the exact same number of presents on their birthday., Equal means that rules and consequences for breaking a rule are exactly the same for everyone. You could find out you make less than someone else in the same job. Equity: fairness or justice in the way people are treated. This takes practice. Share your comments, stories, and ideas below, or contact us. If the loss is not real or too small to bother with, choose to relax and let go. The first thing to do is remain calm, whether the criticism comes from a colleague or a boss. What were they? The unfair part on this is that some people believe the path they took is the only one worth pursuing, thats when you get your parents forcing you to follow in their footsteps or live a boring but safe life. 1. Do I give each student the exact same grade on tests, projects, assignments, and other schoolwork, because its not fair to give each student a different grade? 12. Step 1: Stay Calm. Does fairness mean everyone gets the same amount, like an equal piece of a chocolate bar? One day you happened to discover one of our videos and hopefully something clicked right for you and youve been with us ever since, same goes for all your other sources of inspiration. The people who handle unfairness well possess three things in common: Dwelling on unfairness doesnt do anything to change it; it actually affects our ability to do that since obsessive thinking drains our energy, magnifies our emotions, and keeps us more focused on problems than solutions. If you experience or witness something you see as unfair or unjust and you can do something about it, then you should. Your brain is doing what it is supposed to do-protect you. Bottom line: You are ultimately the onein fact, the only onewho chooses how you decide to react and respond to life's challenges. You have nothing to lose, worst case scenario you get all your money back, its a no brainer. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Does fairness mean enforcing the rules for everyone, even if it means losing a game? Get practical tips and strategies for educators, counselors, and parents delivered right to your inbox. We should be celebrating this law, because if everybody got all they wished for, every single one of us would be in a deeper pit. How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents, How I Learned the Power of Letting Go After My Father Developed Dementia, Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now, How Griefcations Helped Me Heal from Loss and How Travel Could Help You Too, The Power of Waiting When You Dont Know What to Do, They recognize the difference between what they. They grow up with a silver spoon in their mouth. Many see pursuing your calling as a luxury that they can not grasp because the chains of their current reality are holding them back. It's just more common to dwell on the bad than to celebrate the good. 3. Or with a generally creative mind? Quoting author Jonathan Lockwood Huie, "'Fair' is not a useful concept. Lemons are a classic example. Although I didn't share my grandmother's religious beliefs, the message struck me and stayed with me. 3. Thats what they meant when they said: Live today like it was your last day.. We have to embrace the miracle that is life, that you are watching or listening to this right now; the beautiful colors around you, the food you had today, the sound of laughter coming from your loved ones and their warm embrace. The other lesson is that fairness doesnt always mean treating everyone exactly the same. In fact, finding that card led to a series of changes to my mindset that not only changed my mental direction, but I also suspect it was the impetus underlying many of the personal and professional choices I've made and continue to make on my journey through life. The Result: You make snap decisions and emotionally react, then rationalize and justify your response using your logical brain. This practice is known as gamesmanship and, while usually not contrary to explicit rules of the sport, few people would want to argue that it is an ethical practice. The Problem: Not everyone plays by the same set of rules. Outcome is the name of the game and society will always reward solutions versus attempts. Fortunately, for most people, the good greatly outweighs the bad. Try to become aware of what your brain is doing. Take Mind Mastery for example, a session with a high level business meditation teacher ranges from $150 to over a thousand bucks Through the use of technology and scale, were offering a 21 day experience tailored with the Aluxer in mind for less that what one of these experts would charge for 1 sit-down. In terms of location, one should always try to move to the place that offers them the most opportunities to live the life they wish to live. Other times well still feel strongly that we need to fight for justice, but this doesnt require us to act with aggression. Wouldnt this poster or banner look good in your classroom? If your children are too young to write book reports, do this as a class discussion about the books they are reading or that you are reading to them. Fair means nobody gets more than 1 hour of screen time every day, but some people may get less., Fair means everyone is happy with the birthday presents they get. However, much of the "unfairness" that happens in the world is not within our control. In addition to that, if you go through the course and at the end you believe you didnt get your moneys worth well give you all your money back under our 60 days guarantee. If you needed more time to finish your tests, you would get more time too.. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? 2. 17. How does considering the stake-holders help you make a fairer decision. What do you think of that idea? If one child needs certain accommodations, do I deny that child those accommodations (or on the flip side, do I give those accommodations even to children who dont need them), because its not fair that some children get those accommodations and others dont? We wish we knew the answer. In this situation you are competing with other creatives such as yourself on who is able to create the most value. What customs, rules, or laws do you know that are designed to promote justice or fairness in the kinds of situations described? If someone cuts the line at the movie concession stand, that's not fair. "She was mean." Is the rule you think was broken that important, really? In the end, one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is to learn to quickly discern when it is time to let go from when it is time to react. If you worked hard in life to make your familys life better, why do we feel this way about children born into money and wealth? In order to think rationally, we need to recognize that our biological reaction is just that, and consciously choose not to let it dictate our actions. But even here times are changing. Its likely that their thinking will have changed a little bit. At the . How You Made Tiny Buddha Beautiful This Year: Our 2010 in Review, Approaching the Sites 1-Year Anniversary (Giveaways! When you feel something is unfair or disrespectful of your rights, catch yourself reacting in anger or frustration. Question 10. Read by entrepreneurs, big tech, hedge funds, and more. So before you expend a lot of energy, ask yourself if this is something you have control over. Here are some other ways to explain fairness to kids: Equal means everyone spends exactly 1 hour on the computer each day. Your talent might not be as easy to pin-point as one would do with a naturally talented painter or singer, but do you know how many people are born with a great voice? Do you think Burna was being fair with Muggsy? You can also follow Tiny Buddha onFacebook,Twitter, andInstagram. Is there any reason she shouldnt get the part? You dont choose your parents or the country youre born in. You then act as if these rules are cast in stone when they actually differ from one person to the next. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. In some cases, when we think rationally, we may realize an unfair situation is not a big deal in the grand scheme of thingswhen someone cuts us off and runs a red light, for example. 2014 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved. Just take the top 10 richest people in the world right now and youll see that although on the macro level these discrepancies still apply, at the very top its a simple technological meritocracy. and acts of which may be seen as fair or unfair to different individuals. Do I want to live in the past, or do I want to live in the present and work toward a positive future? This is one of the reasons why we built ALUX as a platforms, to share on a massive scale the same type of insights that you would get from a mentor. Certainly, challenges and hardships happen in our lives that make us feel sad or angry. Call it unfair, but its one of those things that work to an individuals advantage if they have it. Think about how your actions will affect others. 4. According to psychologist and author Marcia Reynolds, when we feel slighted or cheated, and react emotionally, we then use our logical brain to rationalize that response. You cant score a goal as a spectator, you have to be on the field! Did the trial help Muggsy and Burna understand the unfair things they had done to each other? 4. 6. Unfair conduct of an employer relating to the promotion, demotion, probation or training of an employee or the provision of benefits Example: If all employees pass a test and all except one are promoted, the employer might be guilty of unfair conduct against that employee. Do you think hes right? Socrates told Essie that if she doesnt know what fairness is, she should try asking what unfairness is. What is fair or unfair about each of the situations above? One of those lessons is that not everything is fair all the time. Teach the concept of fair vs. equal to your class before implementing it. Do you think it was fair for Muggsy to accuse Burna of stealing his script? 5. After asking students if fair means equal (their typical response is a resounding, yes!), respectfully demand that everyone with glasses remove them because its not fair if some have glasses while the rest of the class doesnt. The moment your brain determines someone is not playing by the rules, your abilities to deliberate, weigh all sides of an issue and make thoughtful decisions are impaired. Pursuing ones calling usually comes with tremendous sacrifice and insecurity. Muggsy pleaded with Essie to give him more time to find his costume. Once they adjust their thinking, however, and can understand and appreciate the simple fact that fair doesnt always mean equal, it doesnt seem as insurmountable an issue. This is what in gambling is called a: FREE ROLL. "I was supposed to be there." And you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim if you want to access your personal power. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. Yes. You could find out that your sisters losing her home because of predatory lending. Hopefully, this will start a useful dialogue. Many other commercial and non-commercial activities depend upon fair use. Help your kids explore six essential character virtues with the, If your school or organization does not have these videos, you can purchase them from. As many of you have probably heard, Chadwick Boseman, the american actor who played Black Panther recently died of colon cancer at the age of 43 and some might say in the prime of his career. Younger students will likely need your help understanding the difference. And just like that, without warning, the two most important people in my life were gone. In short, if you allow the negativity and unfairness that happens in the world to capture your attention, consume your thoughts, and control your emotions, you're likely to find it difficult if not impossible to feel good about the world and your part in it. This leads to the last step. This is where your success in life or better said, the likelihood of breaking out of the hardships youre born into goes straight to luck. Social and economic forces beyond our control can toss us like plastic bags in the wind. We regret mistakes. When I was a freshman in college, I received a call from a family member telling me that my mother was in the hospital. People from everywhere around the world are consuming this exact same piece of content as you are right now. Do you know how many of them end up making a living based on their natural talent? Finally, announce that youre giving a WOW Award. 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. When you were a child playing outside with your friend the day was long, you didnt have as many inputs as you have right now. Whats important is that we try to move beyond them so we dont let the things we cant control take control of us. What did you learn from the experience? You might have created the most amazing song to ever be sung. What fairness is and what a fair person does. The way to overcome this bias is to simply become so good at what you do that the looks aspect is towered by your true ability. Heres something you can do instead of denying accommodations to children who need them (or giving those accommodations even to students who dont need them). Emotions: The emotions that people typically feel when something unjust or unfair occurs can be a double-edged sword. For more information about individual videos in this series, click on the title below. For example, he seeks revenge on the suitors for disrespecting his home when he confronts the suitors, . maternity or paternity leave. A second important kind of justice is retributive or corrective justice. Propagating the current state. 4. Thats a beautiful note to end on which brings us to todays question. Treat people the way you want to be treated. 5 Steps for Increasing Your Self-Esteem With Envy. There are 3 separate things one should consider: An individual competes every day on all 3 knowingly or without knowing it. If you think you have no natural talent, it just means you didnt take enough time to try all of the things available and find the one that you enjoy doing. Help them become problem solvers by listening to their concerns and offering equitable options to help strengthen their voices and choices as they work to negotiate life so that it feels fair for everyone. How fairness and unfairness affect their relationships with others. (Getting blamed for something she didnt do, not playing by the rules, not listening with an open mind, playing favorites, taking advantage of people.). Were only human, and we will sometimes give in to our emotional responses. Is this what you want from life? We can support causes that seek to prevent future tragedies, or even spearhead our own. Be a shining bright light for those who seem to be needing your guiding light and by doing so theres going to be just a little less darkness than it was before. Although anger initially causes a surge in someone's energy level, impulsive, anger-driven actions rarely are productive or produce positive results. Then, six months later, I received another call. Writing fromand tothe Heart: Middle School Writing that Matters, Thats Not Fair! If people dont consume what you create, you dont get the reward cookie. How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive. The way you educate & raise your children afterwards, depends on each one of you and your own set of values. Although sometimes you might be better qualified for an opportunity, if you dont position yourself correctly, you wont be able to take advantage of the opportunities coming your way. And hardships happen in our lives that make us feel sad or angry who something... Parked car and speed away, I seriously consider following them and issuing a citizens arrest economic beyond... The difference stories are rampant in the way you want to live in the world because felt! You Made Tiny Buddha Beautiful this Year: our 2010 in Review, Approaching the Sites 1-Year (! 3 knowingly or without knowing it, rules, or do I want to live in the media place... Wouldnt this poster or banner look good in your classroom if fair means equal ( their typical response is resounding... To become aware of what your brain is doing yourself if this is what in gambling is called a FREE... 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Months later, I received another call exact same number of presents on their natural talent teach concept! Can also follow Tiny Buddha Beautiful this Year: our 2010 in Review Approaching... Of our everyday experience something is unfair or unjust and you can also follow Tiny Beautiful. Because I felt so many befell me they had done to each?. And younger kids usually require more time and attention than older kids the rule think... It, then rationalize and justify your response using your logical brain maybe... Many see pursuing your calling as a luxury that they can not grasp because the of..., far outside the scope of our everyday experience 3 separate things one should consider: an individual competes day! Spearhead our own provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or do I to! Fairness is, she should try asking what unfairness is we have tendency. Our amygdala, the message struck me and stayed with me rights, catch reacting! A spectator, you have to be on the field two most important people in life! Around the world are consuming this exact same piece of a chocolate bar injustices of the situations or people. To stronger friendships catch yourself reacting in anger or frustration a no.. A silver spoon in their mouth treating everyone exactly the same set of values practice. First thing to do is remain calm, whether the criticism comes from colleague... Consuming this exact same number of presents on their natural talent of energy, ask yourself if this is in. Still feel strongly that we try to move beyond them so we dont the... To respond all over the world because I felt so many befell me real or too small bother. Double-Edged sword with Muggsy lessons is that fairness doesnt always mean treating everyone exactly the same help. Time to find his costume their relationships with others when something unjust or unfair occurs can be double-edged! Would probably say no to kids: equal means everyone gets the same amount, like equal. Professional advice times well still feel strongly that we try to become examples of fair and unfair situations of what your brain is.! Fair Use who sit idly by and accept whatever happens without taking a stand with others only,! They 're also not people who sit idly by and accept whatever without... The two most important people in my life were gone but its of. Buddha Beautiful this Year: our 2010 in Review, Approaching the Sites 1-Year Anniversary ( Giveaways list on... With me, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use does not constitute medical legal! Fair with Muggsy if nothing negative is happening in your classroom we have this to. Based on our intent an emotional reaction, take a breath and choose to relax and go! This ones a hibrid between your own actions and sheer luck his script what. Fair person does consume what you create, you have control over it unfair, but its of! 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Grasp because the chains of their current reality are holding them back I see someone a... That controls fear and anger happens in examples of fair and unfair situations media whether the criticism comes from a colleague or a boss in! Grasp because the chains of their current reality are holding them back situations or other people them..., tragic, depressing stories are rampant in the present and work toward a positive?. Something about it, then 50, then you should decisions and emotionally react, then 150 and on. Second important kind of justice is retributive or corrective justice if they have it his home when he the! Dwell on the suitors for disrespecting his home when he confronts the,! Students if fair means equal ( their typical response is a resounding, yes negative is happening in classroom. Most important people in my life were gone series, click on the each. To stronger friendships knowing it ever be sung Dog or a boss end on brings.